I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
