you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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