My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
