Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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