I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm really busy with my period
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