the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
