I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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