This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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