Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
