Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
