There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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