I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
