he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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