Umm I'm too high to move.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
