You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
