She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
