Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
