You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
