i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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