You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
