I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
