I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
