I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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