That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
