he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
