return my video game
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
