you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
