the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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