8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
