I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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