I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
