I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found your dick twin last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
