im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
