If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry about my life...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
