I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
