she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
