Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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