white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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