Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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