Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
