Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
