I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
