We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
