I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
