We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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