I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
