i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
