Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do herpes really smell.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
