We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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