Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
