I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
