I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
