Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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