she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
